Thought about jumping off the balcony: Robin Uthappa reveals suicidal thoughts and battle with depression

Robin Uthappa emerged as one promising batsman in Indian cricket. A solid domestic record and his ability to strike the ball clean made him a bright prospect in the Indian top-order, however, he failed to cement his spot in the senior team. But he had his battle with mental challenges which made him contemplate suicide several times.

While speaking at Royal Rajasthan Foundation’s live session ‘Mind, Body and Soul’, Uthappa revealed that the phase between 2009-2011 was the toughest for him and it became difficult for him during the off-season and non-playing days.

“I remember around 2009 to 2011, it was constant and I would deal with that on a daily basis. There were times where I wasn’t even thinking about cricket, it was probably the farthest thing in my mind,” he said.

Add WION as a Preferred Source

ALSO READ:Getting players ready will be biggest challenge: KKR CEO Venky Mysore

“I was thinking about how I would survive this day and move on to the next, what’s happening to my life and in which direction am I heading. Cricket kept my mind off of these thoughts but it became really difficult on non-match days and during the off-season.”

Uthappa further said he thought of jumping off the balcony while adding something held him back from doing so. The stylish right-handed batsmen then emerged as one of the most consistent performers in Indian Premier League (IPL) for Kolkata Knight Riders as he became the spine of the team in the top-order.

“On days, I would just be sitting there and would think to myself on the count of three, I’m going to run and jump off of the balcony but something kind of just held me back,” he recalled.

“...(I) started the process of just understanding myself as a person. I then started to seek outside help to make those changes I wanted to make in my life,” he said.

ALSO READ:West Indies name Test squad for England tour; 3 players sit out over COVID-19 fears

“...for some reason there, no matter what I did or how hard I worked in the nets, I was just not able to score a run off my bat. I would spend hours in the nets to get it right but that would just not happen,” he said.

“Some part of me was actually not willing to accept that I had a problem with myself...I think sometimes we don’t accept the wrong and are unwilling to do so and it is really important to have the acknowledgement.”

“The unwillingness to accept is the no one issue and especially for men, who find it difficult to accept their mental issues,” he added.

The 34-year-old was bought for Rs 3 crore by Rajasthan Royals in IPL 2020 auction after being released by KKR following years of solid service. Uthappa continued that having negative experiences in life adds to one’s growth but added it is good to talk to others when a person is having a tough time battling the challenges in life.

“I feel sometimes being negative is necessary. Being negative or having negative experiences, going through trials and tribulations is sometimes necessary for one’s own growth,” he asserted.

“...I have no regrets on my negative experience as they’ve helped me develop positively. You need to go through the lulls to make you feel ecstatic about the positives.”

“I feel life is about balance and we can’t have it one way, a lopsided life is not going to be great, both negative and positive experiences are essential,” he said.