Mother's Day 2024: Parenting mantras for moms with teenage daughters

Mother's Day is here! It's a time to celebrate the complex yet beautiful bond mothers and daughters share. The day also offers an opportunity to explore ways to strengthen and deepen this relationship.

Despite the deep love that often exists between mothers and daughters, many find that their relationship can be challenging at times, especially during their teenage years. However, with understanding, patience, and effort, it is possible to improve and nurture this bond, creating a relationship that is bothfulfilling and enriching.

WION spoke to several psychologists to understand how mothers and teenage daughters can work on improving their relationship. Scroll to find out!

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Teenage years are critical as your child is shaping their self-identity. It will be natural for them to try new things, push some boundaries and feel the pressure to define themselves in peer-conformed ways. As a parent, you may find it challenging to handle their emotional changes and worry about their choices and decisions which may not align with your beliefs. As a result of your fear or concerns, you may either become too distant to avoid unpleasantness or too involved with their actions and changes.

So where does the problem lie?"The problem that I see with most parents of teens is that they are not aware of the developmental stages and challenges a teen goes through. They try to impose their opinion and viewpoint on the teen without questioning or understanding their needs and opinions. Many parents resort to threats and control or comparison. This rarely works and pushes a teen to disconnect from the parent and move more toward peer support and interaction," saysMansi Poddar, a trauma-informed Psychotherapist.

And, what's the solution?"The key to maintaining a healthy relationship is to have an open channel of communication with a non-judgemental approach. Building an understanding beyond your teen's outward changes and regularly engaging with empathy will nurture a strong relationship. Your child also sees you as their role model. They may imbibe some qualities or completely test their sense of individuality. More than the criticisms and corrections, what they need is your acceptance and positive strokes to develop healthy self-esteem," saysMimansa Singh Tanwar, Clinical Psychologist, Fortis National Mental Health Program.

Parenting teenagers demands more than just granting freedoms; it requires adept guidance and nurturing open communication. While acknowledging their need for independence and privacy, fostering a strong bond through ongoing dialogue is paramount.

Central to effective parenting of teenagers is the demonstration of trust. Recognising their inevitable missteps, it's crucial to underscore our understanding and offer unwavering support during these moments. This trust serves as the cornerstone of a healthy parent-child relationship amid the turbulent teenage years.

"Parents often stumble into the pitfall of judgment over listening. Actively valuing and respecting our teenagers' perspectives is imperative. By encouraging collaborative problem-solving, we can navigate conflicts together and foster mutual understanding,"says Shweta Jhamb, Psychologist.

"For instance, when faced with a teenager's request to stay out late with friends, addressing safety concerns directly is essential. Focusing solely on the issue at hand prevents communication from veering off course. Proposing joint brainstorming sessions empowers both parents and teenagers to tackle challenges together. Moreover, instilling financial responsibility is a vital aspect of modern parenting. Teaching teenagers to discern between needs and wants equips them with invaluable decision-making skills for their future," adds Shweta.

Mothers can also use a participative approach. When setting boundaries and expectations, it is important to involve your teenager collaboratively in the decision-making processes to increase their sense of accountability and commitment."Create opportunities for shared activities or interests. Prioritise spending quality time together, which can be enjoyable for your teenager as well as for you! Remember, a parental relationship only evolves over time, and especially during the teenage years, this requires patience, empathy and mutual respect. There doesn’t exist a perfect relationship, and conflicts are unavoidable. But you can be a role model, and foster healthy conflict resolution skills while strengthening your bond together,"
says Roshni Sondhi Abbi, Clinical Psychologist, Fortis Memorial Research Institute, Gurugram.

In essence, contemporary parenting entails a delicate balance of autonomy, guidance, and open dialogue. By prioritising trust, active listening, and collaboration, parents can navigate the teenage journey with empathy, understanding, and mutual respect.