'Slow burn' romance in, mechanical apps out: Why old school love is the latest relationship trend

That feeling of getting butterflies in the stomach when your eyes meet someone has vanished in today's world of dating, or so the youth has me convinced. This is not because they believe that the old school way of meeting someone is outdated, but because they have pretty much been left at the mercy of dating apps. This has become the primary way to find love in their world today, when everyone is busy. Even when you meet a person you like through a mutual friend, it either fizzles quickly or is rushed.

Barely anyone today knows what a real-world attraction feels like. Dating apps are mechanical and bizarre - you open one, scroll through profile after profile and swipe right on a person who appeals to you. The criteria - a photo and a bio. There is a "decision" involved about whether you actually like this person after a few online messages and one meeting, which I believe would be formal, considering how the other person is actually a stranger. Where is the thrill and excitement in this?

However, there is a reversal happening known as "slow romance", where people are looking to meet a potential partner organically, just like it used to happen before dating apps took over. You meet them regularly, not by plan or on dates, but just through everyday circumstances. Things move slowly where you can savour the little things. This is what the youth today are also yearning for.

"Slow romance is becoming popular, and it’s no surprise. It’s like people are trying to return to something more organic, more human in lots of ways," says Damini Grover, a psychologist and life coach.

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"Dating apps have definitely made it easier to meet people, but they’ve also created a lot of fatigue. Endless swiping, too many options, ghosting, shallow conversations, and the pressure to always be marketing yourself can make dating feel like a chore rather than something meaningful. Many are starting to realise that it is hard to really know someone through a profile, a few pictures or a series of chats," she added.

The problem with dating apps

Pranita, a 25-year-old professional, says both boys and girls today do not want to label a relationship, leaving them in a situationship. "You meet someone once or twice, and then they get all weird. They will leave you hanging; neither do they start an official relationship, nor will they end things fully," she says.

Debangana, a 26-year-old PR professional, says people today have started quantifying other humans, and they do the same with their partners. "One hand is in your current partner’s hand, whilst the other hand is swiping left or right. Everyone wants to have back-ups, and no one in general wants to work, chase or fight for each other," she says. The problem she encountered on these apps was "either people wanted to put labels immediately, or they didn’t see even a sliver of a future together, despite months of dating. Maybe it’s a pattern, or maybe it’s my bad luck."

Yash, a 32-year-old IT professional, says dating apps leave you with a mental load of constantly worrying that the other person could be scamming you. "You might be in it for the real thing, looking for love, but the other person might be there to rob you or scam you in some way. So there is always a safety concern for both boys and girls." He added, "Besides, a few questions are not the best way to judge whether to match or not. It is all hit and try."

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Debangana adds, the few questions and photo "enable people to be super quick with their opinions, impressions and judgements about people they don’t know. They have complete perceptions about each other based on pictures alone, and sometimes maybe music taste and all, but that can be faked on these apps." So when you start hanging out in real life, "no matter the kind, even the slightest bit of disarray from the perception person A had built about person B makes them lose interest." It pretty much spells the end for the supposed relationship.

Enter, Slow Romance

Learning about their experiences has left even me anxious, so I can imagine the kind of fatigue these people would be experiencing in the world of dating today. This is why people actually interested in love are turning to slow romance. "I think it’s an interesting trend to follow because in some ways it’s bringing us back to our roots. People are not supposed to judge potential partners by scrolling for days. We were made to relate through real things, shared experiences, and watching people in real life," Damini says.

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When you meet someone at a coffee shop, at a community event, at a fitness class, or even during your daily routine, you have access to something that apps cannot provide: context. You see how they interact with other people, how they talk, how they react to things and how they carry themselves around in the real world. You get a sense of the physical, emotional, and mental chemistry between two people. This is what ultimately leads you to be truly attracted to this person, and it does not feel forced, unlike apps.

It is all about slowing things down. When things move at a natural pace, they lead to a stronger connection which feels real. Urgency rarely creates healthy relationships, says Damini. "They are created through intentionality, curiosity, consistency, and real understanding."

So would you like to go old school?

"Yes, as someone who has ALWAYS wanted an old school, movie-style romance, I think meeting people at commonly shared activities or through mutuals is the best way," Debangana says. Yash also believes that this is the way to go, although with people lacking time, he is not sure it can work. So if you are looking for a real relationship, I would say it is truly time to stop and smell the roses.