Rebel Moon review: Stunning visuals can't save Zack Snyder's vacuous odyssey

Zack Snyder, the mastermind behind visually stunning yet narratively vacuous epics, has graced us once more with Rebel Moon — Part One: A Child of Fire. Snyder, working with fellow screenwriters Kurt Johnstad and Shay Hatten, unleashes a torrent of clichés and derivative tropes from the opening moments. The ominous choir, the intergalactic dreadnought, the evil empire threatening universal conquest — it's as if he raided the discard pile of every space opera ever conceived. In a nutshell, the film is all kinds of terrible.

If only it were a parody, perhaps we could have been spared the agony of enduring 134 minutes of this mind-numbing spectacle.

The plot, or what masquerades as one, revolves around the Motherworld, a militaristic empire ruled by the predictably sadistic Admiral Atticus Noble (Ed Skrein, channeling his inner Third Reich). Princess Issa, with her rare gift of healing and resurrection, is the symbol of hope, redemption, and probably a merchandising opportunity. But, of course, Snyder being Snyder, promptly assassinates her and her parents during her coronation. Because subtlety is for filmmakers with actual storytelling finesse.

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Cut to the farming colony on the moon Veldt, where we meet our reluctant hero Kora, played by Sofia Boutella, who attempts to inject some life into this interstellar snoozefest. Unfortunately, even Boutella's talents are no match for the gravitational pull of the inept script. The assembly of the rebel team, a process that should be brisk and engaging, devolves into a laborious trudge through Green Screen Land, where every character is more an archetype than a person.

The film's pacing is reminiscent of a snail on tranquilisers. It dedicates an excruciating amount of time to the Assemble-the-Team trope, stretching it far beyond its breaking point. You'd think you were watching the extended director's cut of the recruitment montage from any given action film...

The characters are cardboard cutouts with lines, include the Han Solo-esque mercenary starship pilot Kai (Charlie Hunnam), the hard-drinking gladiator General Titus (Djimon Hounsou), the fierce and noble imprisoned warrior Tara (Staz Nair), and the cyborg sword master Nemesis (Doona Bae). Each one is a Snyderian strong and silent type, devoid of any real personality or depth. Even the attempt at a Toshiro Mifune figure falls flat, lacking the playful charm that would have added a hint of glimmer of humanity to this otherwise soulless saga.

As we traverse the galaxy with this motley crew, we are treated to slow-motion sequences that worked better in 300 but here only serve to exacerbate the tedium. Snyder's insistence on dragging out every action with slo-mo turns what could have been a mildly entertaining romp into a cinematic purgatory.

The film's villain, Admiral Atticus Noble, is a psychopathic and sadistic caricature and as mentioned above has distinct Third Reich influences. The portrayal is so over-the-top that it's hard to take him seriously, making him more of a drooling, creepy, evil weirdo than a complex, formidable antagonist.

Rebel Moon ends with the promise of a great and final battle in April. The film's failure to deliver on the promise of a complete story makes that promises feel more like a threat. The film leaves us wondering if it was a deliberate ploy to extract a few more months of Netflix subscription fees from the Snyderbros.