The Early Spring is a lesson in miscommunication, and that we are all human

The Early Spring is ruling hearts and charts across the world. The Chinese drama shows a forbidden relationship between a boss and a fresh graduate who joins his company. There are rules - You cannot be in a relationship with a colleague. Yet, the arrogant and elusive boss who etched them into the rulebook breaks them to begin a sizzling romance with his employee. It starts with a mountain rescue, a thank-you dinner, followed by a drunken night out, which turns into a one-night stand.

This opens a Pandora's box of emotions that fully entangle our two protagonists. Shang Zhi Tao, the FL, aka Flora, tries to fight her "feeling of love" for her boss, while Luan Nian, the ML, aka Luke, finds himself being pulled towards an unexpected connection. If you haven't watched the show, you'd think that this would be the start of a lovely romance. But you are wrong. Why? Because neither of our leads knows how to talk about their feelings.

A messy affair

The very next day, Luke tells her that she left her bag at his place on purpose. He says nothing more, and Flora picks up on the hint and believes that he is pushing her away. Now both of them have jumped on the assumption bandwagon. "Will she get clingy?" "He doesn't want me". "It was an accident".

Luke knows he did something wrong, and tries to apologise by giving her an expensive bag. But instead of saying the right things, he simply pushes her into taking it. While he is trying to say sorry without getting the words out, she assumes he is simply buying her silence about the night they got together.

Burying true emotions: I will not say what I really want to say

Our ML is a bigshot executive who deals with high-profile clients almost daily, yet he cannot communicate to save his life when it comes to love. This is common in modern relationships and is not limited to this extremely beautiful and breakthrough drama. Why do people find it so hard to say what's on their mind? Why has clear communication become a luxury in today's world?

Dr Rahul Chandhok, Senior Consultant & Head of Psychiatry, Mental Health and Behavioural Sciences, Artemis Hospitals, says that some people have difficulty expressing their true feelings. "It can be hard, unsafe and strange to find the words for emotions. They may have been taught that displaying sadness, anger and vulnerability is a sign of weakness."

Even Flora holds back when she believes Lu Mi and assumes that Luke is having an affair with his childhood friend. She starts avoiding him, resents him, but not once asks him about her.

Sidhharrth S Kumaar, a Relationship Coach, says, "We learn how to explain a problem, give an opinion or argue a point, but not how to say 'this hurt me, 'I felt ignored,' or ‘I am scared of losing this person’."

This is clearly what he is SAYING: Even when he has NOT said anything

Well, not saying anything is clearly part of the problem. When you don't say the right words at the right time, you leave the door open for assumptions and misunderstandings. Luke gives her the bag, and yet doesn't add the word “Sorry”. Flora assumes he wants her to stay quiet about their one-night stand. She applies for a transfer from his department. He questions her about it, asking why she isn't using the new bag. Flora again tells her she would keep their night of passion a secret; he doesn't need to worry. Luke lets out his now-famous smirk (IYKYK) and leaves.

He meant well and was trying to make her comfortable at work, trying to let her know that she doesn't need to worry. Yet, again, he just does not say the right words. This leaves Flora plenty of room to decode things her own way, and make assumptions about what Luke really wants.

"The brain fills in the blanks when information is missing, so we often assume what the other person is thinking," Dr Rahul says.

"If the other person is quiet, distant or not saying things clearly, the mind starts filling in the blanks on its own. Then fear of rejection comes in, and usually the story we create is not a positive one," says Sidhharrth.

She doesn't confront him about how he acted the next day, and it was she who ended up getting hurt. "An assumption is not a fact. Reading minds can cause unnecessary hurt, anger and distance. Instead of trying to interpret what someone means, ask clear questions. It gives the other person a chance to explain, not defend," says Dr Rahul.

PLEASE don't go: But let me scream first

Often we struggle to understand what we are feeling when things do not go our way. For Luke, this happens when Flora is offered a new role at another company. He is sure that she will leave even when she hasn't said anything or accepted the job. All the wrong words start pouring out of his mouth. "If you are thinking about joining Alex at the new job, it could only mean that you are cheap and obedient," he tells her over a TEXT MESSAGE, after they have been together for over a year.

Why would you say such mean and harsh things when you actually want to tell her not to leave him?

Dr Rahul says this happens because sometimes people are not fully aware of what they are feeling. "The emotions can include silence, irritation, withdrawal and overthinking," he says. Luke finds it hard to openly admit that he doesn't want to lose Flora.

"Naming emotions, speaking intentionally, using “I feel” statements and choosing a safe time can help and promote honest communication," Dr Rahul says.

…And this is why we don't hate Luan Nian

Luan Nian, or Luke, played by Jing Boran, is being termed a major red flag all over social media. Is it because of his communication problems? We have just learned that not everyone is good at speaking about their feelings. Does that make them a bad person? Haven't we grown up hearing that actions speak louder than words? Yes, Luke cannot say what he feels. So what! His gestures do most of the talking.

I'll have that glass of osmanthus milk now! Thank You!