Kisi Ka Bhai Kisi Ki Jaan review: Salman Khan defies logic one head butt at a time

Salman Khan Day is here. Also known as Eid to many, the festival celebrated by Muslims has over the years become synonymous with the day when Bollywood superstar Salman Khan's big-budget films hit theatres. This year, Salman takes his Bhai (big brother) status literally in Fahad Samji's film Kisi Ka Bhai Kisi Ki Jaan. Throughout the film, Salman is either addressed as Bhai, Bhaijaan or simply Jaan. His character has no name, religion and cast do not bind him and he chants Vande Mataram before bashing goons double his size. He also recites proses fromthe Geeta to woo the girl of his dreams. He is the leader of a pack - which operates in set of threes. He has been a foster parent and overall big brother to three orphans, whom he calls his own. He has three friends, his tackles three villains...you get the drift?

His young brothers seem to operate together. They hang out together, fight together, get emotional at the same time about the same things, romance and go on dates together. So when the three brothers, (who also dress up similarly and have similar beards and cannot really be distinguished from each other) want to get married, their only hindrance is their elder brother, Bhaijaan. The man had apparently vowed never to get married or let his younger brothers marry as a woman can ruin their bond.

The three brothers decide to break that vow and find a girl for their Bhaijaan in order to settle down with their respective girlfriends. The yardstick is pretty simple, the girl should be called Bhagya, which was Bhaijaan's ex-girlfriend's name. Their wish is fulfilled when Bhagyalakshmi comes to their colony to stay for a month. She is an antique conservationist we are told but never really works. We do see her being friends with the three brothers and very strangely falling for the scruffy, unkept, long-haired, and nearly mute Bhaijaan because the bhais want them to hook up. She calls him Jaan, they fall in love over the course of two songs and soon realise that her family's life is in threat from a local goon in Hyderabad.

A self-professed protector to one and all,Salman and company move to Hyderabad to meet Bhagya's family and fight goons- south style with over-the-top action sequences where everyone believes in using axes and swords to attack. Guns are clearly child's play in this part of the town. I don't have to tell you how the rest of the story pans out.
First thing first. Salman looks old and tired. His swagger remains but the film's plot, inspired by Tamil film Veeram is so generic and silly that Khan's superstardom cannot uplift it. The original film was made in 2014 and a lot has changed, perhaps not so much in Salman's movies. Here our man defies logic, lifts cars by one hand, tackles several men double his size in one go and even head-butts a man to death. The good thing about these films is that Salman only concentrates on being the superstar that he is - which works well- and so acting is done by the rest of the cast. Pooja Hegde holds her own in a role that has so limited scope for her but she makes Bhagya relatable. There are also veteran actors like Rohini Hattangadi and Venkatesh who do a good job in a film about Bhai. It's also good to see the late actor Satish Kaushik in a cameo role.

There are also a bunch of new faces playing Salman's brothers and their hoes. Poorly written with limited dialogues, actors Siddharth Nigam, Raghav Juyal, Jassie Gill, Palak Tiwari and Shehnaaz Gill are all just there- playing caricature roles. All well-known Internet and TV stars in their own right- they are totally wasted in the film.

Ultimately, Kisi Ka Bhai Kisi Ki Jaan works only for its action sequences in the second half - provided you have the palate for incessant punches and mind-numbing stunts. Both Khan and Venkatesh somewhat uplift the climax but the film's writers Farhad Samji, Sparsh Khetarpal, and Tasha Bhambra's lazy writing shows.

Pooja Hegde and Salman Khan's romance- which forms the core story- is ice cold. It's like the girl is romancing a cucumber. In fact, Salman's inability to emote much is incorporated cleverly in one scene where he holds the same straight face when his lady love asks him to emote. Quite meta, I'd say. Also, the way the brothers decide to choose the girl for their beloved Bhaijaan is bizarre. One moment they decide and pray to god that they want a girl for their brother, and the next second, the girl lands right in front of them. Also, no background check is done for her- so much for loving their Bhaijaan. The girl could have easily been replaced by a pigeon flying past them- they would have chosen it for their Bhai.

Logic though is not the priority for Salman's film. It has never been. But at least Samji should have tried to get a few tweaks to suit the present time or present Khan in a new avatar. Instead, it feels like Salman Khan is playing himself- just with an annoying wig on his head.

The film is also a reminder of the growing influence of South Indian films across India. Khan has been one of the early few Bollywood stars to have worked in several remakes of South hits. In his latest, instead of adapting it, he heads south- to copy-paste a very successful template.

Kisi Ka Bhai Kisi Ki Jaan, ultimately, is for Salman Khan loyalists. It's an average film, presenting the superstar in a tried and tested format. Nothing extraordinary.