“I’m full, and yet I know if I stop eating this, I’ll regret it.”
“I want to start drinking in the morning. Don’t say I don’t have goals!”
“I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”
“I say more dumb things before 9 am than most people say all day.”
“Hi, I’m Chandler. I make jokes when I’m uncomfortable.”
“When I first meet somebody it’s usually panic, anxiety, and a great deal of sweating.”
“I’m a gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I’ve missed the last twelve hundred times.”